The Importance of Healthy Boundaries
There is a lot of talk about setting boundaries in self-help, personal development and coaching or healing settings, but what are boundaries?
My favourite explanation of a boundary is from Prentis Hemphill where they state;
Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously
I don’t know about you but I feel that in my bones. In essence they are a line that separates what’s ok from what’s not ok.
As women, we often are afraid setting boundaries because patriarchal paradigms dictate that we should be selfless, good girls operating within tight constraints of what’s deemed acceptable versus unacceptable. When we do assertively set boundaries and enforce them we can be accused of being aggressive rather than assertive, and we regularly experience push back.
Remember that this is ok. Other people will perceive what we are doing through their own lenses of experience and conditioning. Once something leaves us, it is interpreted by another in ways we can’t influence. We see this regularly in conversations, especially those involving differences of opinion, whereby we get that strange feeling that we’re talking at cross purposes or on different pages. This especially happens with people who talk to speak and are waiting for their next opportunity to chime into the conversation rather than listening to the conversation with a view of connecting and furthering relationships.
Practicing with your boundaries and knowing that they are an energetic dance rather than a harsh, set in stone, hard line is also important. What’s acceptable can change from day-to-day depending on other factors such as sleep, energy, tolerance levels and what’s happening in other areas of our life.
In addition, don’t forget that old adage that those who don’t like your boundaries are often those who benefitted from you not having any.
For me, the more I work on myself and with clients, the more I am comfortable setting boundaries, enforcing them and being comfortable with other people’s reactions to them. I feel comfortable having boundaries around work and home life, within relationships and interactions. These keep me safe, allow me to be vulnerable and help me stay open hearted rather than falling into old habits of shutting down and cutting people off completely.
Having clarity around what’s ok for you is freeing. It keeps our energy higher, it increases our respect for self and others and it allows us to play a bigger game in life because we know that we are looking after ourself deeply.
How do you go with setting your boundaries?
Do you find enforcing them easy or difficult?
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I am the Author of Divine. Messy. Human. A Spiritual Guide to Prioritising Internal Truth over External Influence, a Kinesiologist, Spiritual Seeker, Mentor and more based in Melbourne, Australia.
